Walking Along Taft

Lorem Ipsum

The metal chair felt icy cold. I’ve been sitting on it for the last 20 minutes. No one’s still around but the room’s air conditioning is already on full blast. 

Brrr.

7:58 AM

Tik-Tok-Tik-Tok

7:59 AM

Tik-Tok-Tik-Tok

8:00 AM

Finally.

I pressed my thumb on that square electronic device which records one’s daily time record.

It said, Time In: 8:00 AM

I smiled. Always on time, Julie. Good job. I then proceeded to the office’s main doors. I keyed in the pin code. Buzz. The sound informed me that I can already enter the room.

The office is eerily quiet. And cold. Wonderful.

Tap. Tap.

I can only hear my own footsteps.

Tap. Tap.

I love wearing wedges. I was wearing my favorite blue pair that day. I have black, brown, gray, purple and red with this particular style. But, the blue is my favorite.   

Silence. This is what I love about being the first one in the office. Peace and quiet.  

I turned the corner. I saw my cubicle. My cubicle has been my refuge for a year now. My sanctuary. I looked at my watch, it said 8:10. It always took me ten minutes to reach my cubicle from the main office door. I smiled again. Still on time, San Jose. I muttered.

I placed my black leather file case on its usual place. Got some antiseptic from my toiletries bag and sprayed onto my table top. Pulled out three sheets of tissue paper, folded them into two then wiped the said area thoroughly.  

Ah…better to be safe than sorry.

I hated the idea that some strange creature might have just ‘walked’ on my table. Eww. 

The next five minutes were spent just the same as yesterday’s. I examined my whiteboard. Written there is my schedule for the day.

Wednesday

AM

8:30 - Check email.

9:15 - Do pagination.

10:30 - Post-mortem meeting for current issue.

12:00 - 1:00 - Lunch

PM

1:00 - Check layout 1.

2:00 - Check layout 2.

3:00 - Check layout 3.

4:00 - Pre-prod meeting for next issue.

Good schedule.

Everything seems to be in order. I said to myself, smiling.

I took my chair out, sat and looked intently at my very organized desk —- magazines stacked on the left, my green notepad on top. The magazine ‘bible’ is neatly placed on my right. Writing tools are all lined up. Markers, retractable black pens, mechanical pencils.

Something’s amiss.

Hi, Julie.

Good morning, Ms. Julie.

Hi, Julie.

Julie.

Those were Eric, Justin the intern, Jason, and Sir Pat, respectively. I absentmindedly nodded as each one of them greeted me. Artists. Graphic artists.

I was in total disbelief of what I just discovered.

I was actually panicking.

The clock registered. 8:30.

8:40.

8:45.

I am late.

And I need to check my mail.

I’m way behind my schedule.

I’m missing my green mechanical pencil. Argh.

My thoughts were disturbed by an irritating yet happy voice.

‘Good morning, San Jose.’

I looked up and saw the person who owned it.

‘Magalona.’

‘Not even a ‘hi’? Are you already pissed? I just got here.’ He was too cheerful.

I looked at him. ‘You’re late.’ No hint of any expression visible on my face.

He smiled. ‘Yes, good morning to you too, Julie It’s only 8:40.’ And made his way into the other room.

‘Forty-five.’ I continued.

The graphic artists, they stay in a ‘special’ room. Their supervisor insisted on that because he said they needed all the creativity they can get in order to yield ‘quality’ results. He said that they needed the noise, the music, the laughter, the horsing around, the expletives.  

I never believed that. I actually thought, still thinks that a ‘special’ room for the artists is bull in every way.     

Special.

But the bosses gave in to their ‘special’ needs. They bought the ‘creativity’ idea. Not as if it mattered to me. Or jealous in any kind of way. A place away from those people especially Magalona was what I needed most.

Magalona. Elmo Magalona, the main artist assigned to me, to the magazine. He isn’t the only one who layouts for it, but he makes the most important pages for the magazine —- the spreads. And spreads spell perfection. Martha Stewart-level. He is good. He is actually the best. And my magazine deserves only the best. Hence, him.

Too special. Way too special.

I clicked open my laptop. In a rush, I went to read the emails. Proposal letters. Articles from writers. Ad materials. A letter from my boss —- instructions to be exact. Facebook notifications. Ugh.

‘Magalona will be busy today. His hands will be…’

‘Julie?’

Damnit.

‘Is this yours?’ Waving the green mechanical pencil in front of my face.

‘You.’

‘Whoa. Stop there. I just saw this on my workstation.’

‘You took it alright.’

‘I did not. I don’t use mechanical pencil, Julie. And it’s 9:30…’

‘So?’ I sourly answered back.

‘Pagination?’

Time check: 9:30.

All the colors from my face disappeared. I turned as white as a ghost. Ironically, my hands felt hot. I was not in sync with my schedule.  

‘I’ll send them to you in a while.’

‘Thanks, Julie.’

I was about to get some wipes from my bag when…

‘Are you ok, Jules?’

‘Yes. Thank you, Magalona.’

‘You sure?’

‘Just thinking about how I messed up my schedule, the schedule. ’

‘Hahaha. That’s fine, San Jose. You’ll get by. Don’t think too much about the schedule. We’ll finish the issue on time.’

‘I’ll send the newly-submitted articles to you too, Elmo. Again, thank you.’

The guy walked away. His back now faced me. I smiled. And I went to wipe my green mechanical pencil.

The day turned out fine. After the pencil incident, everything turned out just the way they were supposed to be. As scheduled. The current issue’s post-mortem meeting was good. A lot of ‘pambabaril’ were made in terms of the layouts. But, that was normal.

They made ‘baril’ our works, yet the bosses loved the issue. Shoot us now. I said to myself.

Weird stuff. Weird people. The best.

‘Julie, please come to my workstation. I have to show you a spread. – Elmo.’

Magalona left that note on my table.

And at exactly one in the afternoon, I was sitting beside Elmo, checking the layout. I must admit that he once again nailed it.

Another hour passed and the second layout was done. After some suggestions, the outcome spelled Martha Stewart.

But, the last spread turned out to be a challenge. Too much of a challenge that I ended up arguing with the artist.

‘Julie, the article is too short. We need at least 300 words.’

‘Do something about it, Magalona.’

He clicked and clicked and clicked.

‘See? Awkward.’

‘That would work.’

‘This is rubbish, San Jose. And you know it. This is NOT even close to the letter M in Martha.’

‘I don’t know about you, Elmo. It looks…nice.’

‘Stop convincing yourself that the layout is good. Nice is a safe word, Julie. And our boss is not nice at all. She is Martha Stewart’s evil twin.’

3:30 PM.

‘I have a meeting at 4. For the next issue. Just email me the layout when you’re done.’

‘Nazi.’

‘Just do it, Elmo. We have a deadline.’

‘I know. I’ll email it to you, San Jose.’

I stood up. And left the noisy creative room.

Too much of a day. I thought. And I still have pre-prod meeting to attend to.

It was a relief when I reached my cubicle.

Silence. Order.

I was busy preparing the stuff I have to bring for the pre-prod meeting when I heard him once again. His head was peeking through the door and shouting.

‘Julie! Email. Urgent.’

And he was gone.

3:50 PM.

‘Magalona.’

Ten more minutes til four in the afternoon, I opened my email and saw the file. It said:

            ‘Julie, I made some changes. I hope you like it. —- Elmo.’

I downloaded it. It was actually better than what he did earlier. And he added some words to fill up the blank spaces.

            ‘Lorem ipsum dolor sit JULIE, amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do   eiusmod tempor YOU incididunt ut labore et dolore ARE magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, A quis nostrud NAZI. exercitation ullamco SOMETIMES, laboris nisi ut aliquip COLD, ex ea BUT commodo YOU consequat. Duis aute irure ALWAYS dolor in reprehenderit PUT in voluptate velit A esse cillum dolore eu SMILE fugiat nulla pariatur. ON Excepteur sint MY occaecat FACE. cupidatat non proident, sunt in I culpa qui officia deserunt LIKE mollit anim id est IT. laborum.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, I sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut LIKE labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis YOU, aute  irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate JULIE velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat  nulla pariatur. A Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est LOT. laborum.’

4:00 PM.

Dumbfounded, I answered back his mail. 

            ‘Elmo Magalona, you surprise me. That was really good. Good cute. I’m late for the meeting. And I’m red. This is your fault. See you tomorrow. Hehe. —- Julie the Nazi.’

And for the fifth time today, I smiled.

-FIN-

Net

Julie. I smiled. After months of being incommunicado with him, I heard him say my name. Again. And with gusto.

Indifference. As negative as it may sound, I have learned the art to not care. I have learned to just mind my own self. I have learned this the hard way. And it was against my will. To walk and pretend that everything’s fine amidst the blasting music coming from those huge, black speakers and being lighted by that almost blinding spotlight, I tell you, it was hard. No. Not hard. It was excruciatingly painful. Then, realization struck me. The world I move in with which perfection was attained through good lighting, awesome storylines, seamless editing, superb acting and nice musical scoring is undeniably imperfect.

Hatred. It’s a strong word. But what can I do? Apart from the feeling of betrayal and being ‘played on’ which I tried to hide in front of my family and colleagues, that was the only other emotion I felt when the news about them came out. It was hard to put on a fake smile for everyone. But somehow, I managed. It broke me. It may sound that I’m over reacting or that as if I didn’t know they existed, I actually did. I was very aware of the situation. Our situation. The love team. The reel and the real. Me and him. Him and her. The phone calls in between takes. The text messages during the rehearsals. The Instagram posts to update each other’s whereabouts. The parties they attended. The dinners they shared. The board games they played. Those ‘spotted’ photos plastered on the World Wide Web. Sadly, all of them were true. And there was nothing else that I can do but to accept them all. I was hurt.

Go. Leave. It was my decision to break off the love team. It wasn’t working out perfectly as before. Moving away from the limelight was the only option given to me after their admission. Fans were devastated. Hearts were broken. Dreams shattered into pieces. Not only of those who were around us. But, also mine. Especially, mine. I was grieving seeing them happy together. With a snap of a finger, the happy memories we shared turned into dust. Everything’s gone.

Friends. I surrounded myself with them. I shared with them the emotional turmoil I was experiencing. They understood me. Or that was what they tried to let me feel. They wanted me happy. These people, my friends, they lifted my spirits. We went out. Ate out. Watched movies. Played billiards. Searched bookstores for the latest good read. I sang with them. I felt at ease with my friends. They encouraged me to do again what I love the most – to perform, to sing, to act. These special individuals, the extensions of my self, brought back the spark in my life. They made life more meaningful and fun.    

Entertainment. Yes. I work in this industry to bring joy to other people by showcasing my talents. I regularly remind myself that. So, after a month of hiatus, I came back. With a vengeance. Or so I thought. The professional artist that I am, I accepted an invitation to be part of another love team. However, the move that I made spelled disaster. No. Not disaster, but catastrophe. The people who once loved and adored me with my previous love team partner were not as appreciative of the new guy I was holding hands with during production numbers. They all went crazy-jealous. It was like I was running inside the Overlook Hotel with Jack madly following me, trying to kill me. I knew having a new love team partner was a bad decision, and just like that little boy trying to run away from his possessed and crazy father, I, for once searched for that one small window which will serve as my only way out. Needless to say, I needed an escape. 

Disappear. I told that to myself a million times. A billion times, actually. I wanted the earth to just open up and eat me. Alive. I was again in despair. After the strong rejection from the fans of having a new love team partner, I was once more in deep shit. Not with the fans. Not them, but with myself. This roller coaster ride of emotions bothered me. But, I told myself, no. I was not to cave in again to my weaknesses. I knew I needed to step up to the person that I am. Fast. I was bound to make a choice, a decision. 

Chance. The one thing that should be extended to a person, always.  Just like how it was given to me…again. The bosses and the public were kind enough to give me another shot at my craft and seeing for the nth time the once empty but now all adorned elevated structure in the middle of a vast open space brought back my smile. The floor director walking around the studio floor with his headset on, greeting everyone. The cameraman reviewing the shots he should take. The production designer looking at ‘his’ stage with a smile. The lights playing around. And the music of Jason Mraz being played reminded me of summer. Thank you, Mr. Spinner. Looking at all these people minding their businesses, I saw a glimpse of my reflection. I smiled and told myself, ‘this is what I love. I could live forever in this chaos.’        

Believe. In yourself. Even in the worst of situations. I practiced that religiously. I always looked into the brighter side of things. After that unfortunate incident in my career, which turned me into something that I am not, I have learned to make best of what I have. I have to be my best me. And yes, that is what I intend to become.

Buzz.

Ahhh…ahhh…was all that I said. Upon hearing his voice, I panicked. Not the best reaction, I must say. But, the usually articulate and always composed me turned into another person —- a familiar, lovable individual whom screaming fans love and adore. I became an Elmo. A stuttering Elmo. Now, it was me who was lost for words. ‘Hi, Julie. I missed you.’ Long silence. ‘Jules?’ I’m here, Elmo. And the smile never left my face.

-FIN-

Cheese

I smiled when the cool breeze touched my face. A grandiose chandelier likewise greeted me as I entered the humongous structure. I walked aimlessly inside it, not knowing really where to go. I wandered.

The place was filled with people. Uniform-clad students sitting in the café with books, pastries and iced lattes on their table discussing their future. Couples shared a plate or two in the al fresco wing. Sweet giggles from little kids playing in the nearby amusement area enveloped the air. Friends were busy chatting with each other. Families walked in herds.

The water fountain in the rotunda is a sight to behold. Its colorful display of lights added vibrancy in the place.  

Inside the building, I can faintly hear Somewhere in Time being played on the piano.  

The composition of the elements would have been great for a movie. 

Coffee and movie. I smirked with the idea. 

Walking away from that idealistic tableau, I continued to roam around the huge building. Crazy as it may sound, I ended up stepping out of the structure preferring to experience the eccentricities of the outside world. The edifice spelled perfection for me. And I was nowhere near it. I am nowhere near it. 

I walked around the vicinity, tinkered with my phone, and shared a smile to a couple of foreign-looking strangers passing by. It was great not to be known. 

Now, with beads of sweat starting to run down my temples and the sunlight blinding my sight – yes, I forgot to bring my ever-reliable Wayfarers, my ego went on to look for shade. A tree perhaps? But, my not-so tired feet knew better. They dragged me into a very familiar place. A special one.

Alas. I found myself standing in front of this stand-alone establishment. Its red brick facade brought back memories. From its threshold, I can hear Sinatra singing. Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more. I can smell the aroma of food being cooked. The garlicky scent tickled my nose. And I can see the stone oven from where I stood. Again, another slight curve from my lips was formed.  

I held my phone as I gradually entered the place. I took photos of the special place. I was welcomed with known, smiling faces albeit with some grey streaks now. 

I noticed that the corner table is still there. 

And like an avalanche, the memories came back with an increasing speed without warning. 

I remember the time I had to stalk you around school. 

I remember asking you random questions just to start a conversation. 

I remember you giving me a list. 

I remember that instance when you made your famous baked macaroni. 

I remember you staring at the ice cube waiting for it to melt. 

I remember the time when you had to beg off from talking because you have to Skype with the sister. 

I remember your words. 

I remember all the beautiful works of art you painted on my computer screen. 

I remember reading your last message on my phone before your sudden ‘disappearance’. 

I remember you counting numbers. 

I remember you speaking in different tongues. 

I remember taking a walk with you. 

I remember our conversations about living and leaving. 

I remember you dancing. 

I remember you wanting to ride a bike. 

I remember seeing you in that café. 

I remember you talking about Ed Sheeran. 

I remember you asking how to get to the Post Office. 

I remember you buying anything green. 

I remember the pen you gave me.

I remember you wearing pink. 

I remember our late night talks.   

I remember writing music for you. 

I remember telling you the secret, my secret.

I felt that my chest was about to explode.

I was trapped…and suffocated. 

And I was happy being deeply buried in the snow of lovely memories. The wonderful hole of experiences I dug up years ago made me want to stay there for as long as I could. 

But, I had to stop my dramatics. I was out in the world. Have I confined myself in the corners of my room, I would have died contentedly. With flowers and all. 

A few minutes passed and I positioned myself in the corner table. I ordered my favorite pasta for I was already starving. 

While waiting, I took out my phone once more and played with it. With my back against the door, that familiar soft lips surprised my cheek. The person slid right in beside me. Kissed me again. Now on the lips. They tasted like strawberries. 

Hi, sweetheart.   

I melted. 

Elmo, did you get us pizza? 

Yes, sweetheart. 

Julie and I are definitely having four-cheese today. 

I love you, Julie. Happy 5^th anniversary to us. 

-FIN-

Fiction

This is our story. Plain, simple, fast…and with cars.

Beep…Beep…Beep. 

I was in the passenger seat, looking outside the car window. Bored with traffic. 

You turned on the radio. Some famous 90s band was playing.

I shifted my attention to you. Reached for the volume dial, turned it down. 

You stared at me and smiled. Then, upped the music.                                         

I went for the volume knob again. Lowered it. Looked at you in return. 

You turned up the music once more. Blasting Creep like crazy. 

I reached for it one more time. 

But, you intercepted my hand. Held it. Shifted the gear to drive and stepped on the gas pedal. 

I looked at you. Surprised with the gesture. 

The car slowed down.

I kept silent.  

Your hand still holding mine. You asked how I was feeling. 

With chest pounding and butterflies in my stomach, I yawned. Deliberately.  

Suddenly, I was in a deep emotional whatever-you-call-it shit . 

You gave me a pillow. Placed me comfortably beside you. Releasing my hand. 

I thanked you. My eyes wandered outside. Obviously, avoiding conversation. 

You called my name. 

I faced you. 

The cars were in standstill. Festivities somewhere in the area. 

Your hands cupped my face. Your fingers gently tracing my ears. 

I was startled. Tickled, too. 

Your hands traveled to the side of my body. Made their way to my back. Playful hands eventually rested on the small part of it. 

I was uncomfortable with the situation, because it was new to me. Everything’s new to me. 

Cars honking. 

I silently released a sigh of relief. 

You turned back your attention to the road. Your two hands gripping tight the steering wheel. 

My gaze shifted once more outside the window. 

Thank you, window. 

You took my hand again. Did not let it go. 

The tension’s back. 

Stoplight. 

Red. 

I’m sorry.  

That was all that you said. I was about to respond when… 

You surprisingly kissed me.

I was shocked. Dumbfounded.

My insides were about to explode. I wasn’t ready with your advances. But hell yeah, I somehow liked those moves. 

You did not stop.

You kissed me again.

I liked it.

This time, I kissed you back.

I lost all my control. Maybe my sanity too.

Heat rising from our bodies. 

The kisses became deeper…and deeper…and deeper. 

I returned your kisses with the same fervor.

Our tongues colliding. The two of us gasping for air. 

My world stopped for a minute or so.  

Beep…Beep…Beep. 

You released yourself from me. Shaking your head in very funny manner.

I stared down. And fixed myself. 

You looked at me sheepishly. 

I love you. 

The car at the back. I ignored you. 

I love you. 

They’re waiting. I was not able to hide my smile. 

I love you. 

You I said. 

And me. 

Beep…Beep. 

Weird. I continued. 

Maybe.

Unlikely. I answered.

Not really.

Beep…Beep. 

Really? I asked.

Really.

Cheesy? I pried.

Nah.

And we both had a good laugh at it. 

Silence.

Long silence. 

Beep…Beep.

Am I too late? You nervously asked.

Just in time.

So…Are we? Together? You fumbled with words.

Yes.

You and me? You again.

Us. 

-FIN-

Queen

Maq?

Jules?

Maqui.

Julie.

Frencheska…

Julie Anne…

…

Anong problema, San Jose?

Wala.

Sure ka?

Oo.

Promise?

Oo.

Hindi ako convinced.

Julie looked at her friend.

Yung mga mata mo…

Julie smiled.

Nilalaglag ka.

Talaga?

Maqui heard the sadness in her friend’s voice. The girlfriends were at the university library, browsing at some random literature, killing time.

Sobra.

Julie did not answer.

Spill, San Jose.

Silence again. Long one.

Do you like it in here, Maq?

Yes.

Why?

Malamig dito.

And?

Comfortable.

And?

Maraming pogi.

Julie looked at her, surprised. She let out a soft giggle.

What? Totoo naman yun ah!

Nakakatuwa ka, Farr. Ikaw talaga ang clown ko.

I am so honored, Ms. San Jose. Maqui curtsied.

Suddenly, Julie turned serious. Gazing upon the couple who just entered the building.

Ang lamig na dito sa lib, Maq. Alis na tayo. Without hesitation, Julie stood up from the carrel she was occupying and picked up her things.

Anyareh, Julie?

The now anxious Julie Anne left without a word. And a very confused Maqui followed suit.

What’s wrong, Juls? Her friend keeping up with her pace. Ok naman tayo dun kanina.

I can’t…

You can’t what? You can’t breathe? Checking up on her.  Worried.

Julie eyed Maqui. Then smiled.

I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry, Maq. Hugging her distraught friend.

Sorry for what? Her voice a little louder now. Magsalita ka nga ng maayos San Jose.  Nalilito ako! Maqui pulling away from the hug.

Sorry talaga, Maqui.

No single sound came out from Maqui’s usually ‘motor’ mouth.

Hindi ko kinaya yung nakita ko…yung couple na magkaholding hands.

Maqui’s eyes widened. What??? Yun lang yun kaya ka nagmamadaling lumabas ng library? Kinabahan kaya ako sa iyo, pucha.

Julie shyly nodded.

Shaking her head, Maqui just only said, Julie Anne San Jose, you are one crazy woman.

In love.

* * *

Julie?

Yes and her very ‘animated’ friend, Frencheska.

Julie?

Penny for your thoughts, Moses.

Frank who just arrived in the library answered him.

Oh hi, Frank.

If we’re not here, I would’ve kicked you already in the face and you’ll still not feel anything. His brother mocking him. What happened here, Elmo?

I saw Julie…

Apparently.

She was in a hurry to get out of here. She looked very perplexed.

Just like you, right now.

Elmo looked at his brother quizzically.

Yes. You are a mess, my little brother.

I am?

Yup. Why don’t you follow her and ask what’s wrong?

Hindi ko kaya.

What?

I’m going now, Frank. Elmo gathered his books and left.

Oh dear love, what have you done to my little brother? And you Moses, will eat your words, I tell you.

* * *

Maqui stopped in her tracks after hearing her friend’s confession.

Friend, late-bloomer ka? Ngayon mo lang narealize na in love ka?

Julie furrowed her brows.

Oo, girl. Slow ka. Kami alam namin na in love ka. Lalo na ako. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mga tinitibok ng puso mo. Ikaw nalang ang hindi. Pero, salamat naman at natauhan ka na. Congratulations, Julie baby!  

Salamat naman ha at nafeel mo pala ako nang di ko nararamdaman. Hahaha. Pero friend…bakit ganun?

Bakit ano?

Bakit di na ako pinapansin ni Elmo?

Sira! Anong di pinapansin? Kanina lang sa library eh grabe kung makatitig sa iyo yung tao.

Nandun siya?

Yup.

Di ko nakita.

Well, nakita ko siya. Busy ka kasi mag emote kanina eh. Alam mo Jules, Elmo pogi really really really likes you. Just by the way he looks at you. Alam na. Napaikot mo na siya sa iyong mga palad.

Maqui naman…

Totoo nga. Sa tingin mo ba yung mga ginawa mong efforts these past few weeks, walang effect kay Elmo pogi?

Yes.

Ang bilis naman mag yes? Sa tingin mo ba yung pagbake mo ng cupcakes for him walang effect? Tinanggap niya yun di ba?

Julie nodded.

Or yung pagbigay mo ng notes for him dahil nagkasakit siya, wala rin? Yun naman yung ginamit niyang reviewer di ba?

Julie nodded.

Or yung pagpunta mo sa clinic after siyang magkaroon ng minor accident dun sa basketball game nila, wala rin? Eh di ba tumawag pa siya sa iyo sa house pag uwi niya that day just to thank you? Tama ba?

Julie nodded for the third time. She smiled but her eyes shouted sadness.

Come on, Jules. Yun na yun eh. He returned your acts of kindness. Nireciprocate naman niya yung mga pagbawi mo sa kanya eh. Hindi naman manhid yung si Elmo pogi. Sure na sure ako dun. Julie Anne, hindi sapat ang isang couple na magkaholding hands lang para magpapabagsak sa spirits mo. You like him. He likes you…a lot. That, I’m sure. You are better than this, Julie. Ngayon ka pa susuko after mong magpaka multitasking ng isang buwan? Ngayon pa? Lahat na ginawa mo. Kapit lang. Cheer up, girl!   

Pero, Maq…the one person who can keep up with me and my craziness, di na ako pinapansin.

Ang OA mo naman? Pinapansin ka kaya.

Bumakod na ako and all but, futile pa rin.

Nagpapakipot siguro? Or busy lang talaga? Or just giving you the space you wanted? Sabi mo diba, he is your ‘distraction’? 

Maqui naman eh! The tables have been turned. I think I lost him. I think I lost the only person who really loves me. 

Unexpectedly, a voice from behind said, 

Alam mo Julie, you think too much. 

Teaser: Queen

Beep.

Julie!

Wait! Yung binebake ko checkin ko lang.

May nagtext sa iyo. At ikaw na ang next move.

Nandyan na! See? Check.

Beep.

May message ulit. At nacheck mo ako nang ganun na lang?

But, of course. I learned from the best, you know.

Ang galing ko nga eh. Ikaw na.

Ding dong.

Wait! Nandyan na yung inorder ko na pizza.

Beep.

Third message, Julie Anne.

Napapaisip ako, Maqui. Ang galing mo talaga.

Ako rin napapaisip, Jules. Kasi ang gulo mo kaya. Here, there, and everywhere ang peg mo. Umamin ka nga? Nasaniban ka ba ni Tazmanian Devil ha? All around ka lang teh!

Julie gave Maqui her sweetest smile.

Ano yang smile na yan San Jose?

Maiintindihan mo rin ako, Farr. Maiintindihan mo rin ako.

Ding dong. 

Yes. Ako yan. ;) 

Charlie

How long are you willing to wait?

That was the only question I asked her.

But she did not give any response. Instead, she just looked at me indifferently and handed me a note. And with that, I already had an inkling of what her answer was. I kept mum…and left, disheartened.

As I walk in my lonesome, I realized that I am not really a fan of the so-called LDRs, but I knew I had to give it a chance. I knew we had to give it a try. Maybe. Just maybe it will work for us. But to my dismay, even just the idea of it did not push through with her. She opted to end the relationship.

The note said it all.

Alam mo, ang drama mo lang.

Huh? Sabay tingin ko sa katabi kong hawak ang isang tasang kape. 

Ang OA mo kaya. Kalalaki mong tao, ang emo mo lang. Dinaig mo pa ako sa pagka emotera. Siguro, deprived ka nung kabataan mo noh? Di ka ba nabigyan ng enough love and appreciation ng parents mo dati?

Tuloy tuloy na sambit ng babaeng nakaupo sa tabi ko.

Excuse me, miss. Ok ka lang? Ako ba ang kausap mo? Tanong ko sa kanya.

Hindi niya ako pinansin at nagsalita lang ulit.

Minsan kailangan mong ipursue ang taong mahal mo. O kahit na nga yung taong gusto mo pa lang eh…para nalalaman mo kung may chance nga.

Miss, may problema ka ba? Ayos ka lang? Tanong ko ulit.

Tinignan lang niya ako at ngumiti.

Ang ganda ng mga mata niya. Brown.

Kita tayo ulit bukas. Dito. Ituloy natin yang pagdradrama mo.

At umalis nalang siyang bigla. Walang sabi sabi.

Ang weird nung babaeng yun. Sayang. Maganda pa naman.

Binasa ko muli ang mga salitang isinulat ko kani kanina lang. Tama siya. Ang drama ko lang nga. Nakakahiya.

Shit. Nabasa niya yung sinusulat ko?

Ngayon ko lang narealize na yun ang tinutukoy nung babae. Ang slow ko lang.

Inayos ko ang gamit ko. Magsusulat na sana ako ulit ngunit napatigil ako. Naisip ko na naman siya. Tumigil na ang mundo ko. Nagawi ang mga mata ko sa relo malapit sa counter. Alas siyete na pala, uuwi na rin ako.

***

Tumunog ang chimes sa pintuan. Ito na naman ako umeeksena sa loob ng coffee shop. Wala naman akong choice kasi. Hindi ko naman kayang pigilan ang pagtunog ng mga palawit na iyon.

Lumapit ako sa counter at nag order ng paborito kong kape. Walang nakaupo sa usual spot ko. Napangiti ako. Peace and quiet. Makakapagsulat ako ulit. Sa wakas.  

Late ka. Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito. Yan ang bungad sa akin nung babaeng katabi ko kahapon. Nandito siya ulit.

Excited akong umupo sa favorite spot ko.

Sinave ko yang seat para sa iyo.

Talaga? Salamat ha. Nagsmile ako sa kanya.

You’re welcome. Game?

Game? Pagtataka ko.

Oo. Ituloy mo na yang pag eemote mo.

Excuse me?

Hindi na naman niya ako pinansin at nagmonologue na nga ang babae sa tabi ko. Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang makinig na lang sa mga pinagsasabi niya.

The note said it all.

Yes. That note ended us.

I walked around the village and stood under the flickering light of the sole lamppost at the end of their street. The scenes earlier kept on replaying inside my head – she looking at me with expressionless eyes and handing the note to me. Oh the note.

Then everything started to sink in. Yes. She broke up with me. That sucked. Seriously. But I knew that I shouldn’t be broken. I may be alone now, but I must not be lonely. I needed to move on.

Sinusulat mo ba yung sinasabi ko? Biglang tanong ni weirdo.

Oo, ginawan ko na siya ng pangalan. Weirdo. Bagay yun sa kanya.

Weirdo.  

Kanina pa ako salita ng salita dito tapos deadma ka lang? Hay. Sayang ang creative juices ko. Seryoso siya.

Huh?

Magsusulat ka ba o hindi? Tatapusin ba natin yang pagdradrama mo o hindi? Yung totoo, ang bossy ni weirdo ha.

Ito na. Sumunod nalang ako sa trip niya. May ibang charisma siya eh. Parang ginagayuma niya ako. Hindi ko rin alam anong nangyayari sa akin. Baka dahil sa kape ito.

Galaw galaw din. Paubos na yung kape ko. Late ka kasi. Lakas talaga ng trip nitong si weirdo. Ang tindi pa manisi. Parang may appointment lang ako sa kanya.

Buti nalang talaga maganda tong si weirdo eh kung hindi…

At nawala na naman ako. Narinig ko na naman ang boses niya.

Sometimes, we have to face the fact that we need to end something — that we have to say goodbye — in order to start anew. There will always be that conscious need to go back to square one, to turn over a new leaf. I always reminded myself that. Yes, I was hurt with the goodbye, but it somehow freed me. Surprisingly, relief came with the goodbye, too.

Now, how long will I be able to wait?  

Bigla nalang ang ingay ng tunog sa tabi ko. Slurp. Slurp. Sinisipsip ni weirdo yung kape niya gamit yung straw. Parang batang naglalaro. Tapos na siya magmonologue. Maigsi lang. Buti naman.

O, paano ba yan? Uwian na. Sige, bukas nalang ulit yung continuation. At bigla nalang tumayo si weirdo sa kinauupuan niya. Akmang aalis na parang may tinatakasan.

Walang pag aalinlangang hinawakan ko ang braso niya. Pinigilan ko si weirdo.

Saan ka pupunta?

Uuwi na. Casual niyang tugon.

Ganun na lang yun?

Ano pa bang dapat?

Anong pangalan mo? Tanong ko.

Weirdo.

Weirdo?

Yan ang tawag mo sa akin, diba?

Natawa ako sa sagot niya. Narinig pala niya ako.

Bakit mo ginagawa mo ito?

Hindi ka nakikinig sa akin.

Hindi ko maintindihan si weirdo.

Diba sinabi ko na, minsan kailangan ipursue yung taong mahal mo or kahit gusto mo palang yung tao para malaman mo kung mayroon chance? Well, I think I like you and I’m taking my chance here, Mr. Emo. Hahaha. Ang slow mo pala.

Napatunganga ako sa sinabi ni weirdo.

Ano? Bukas kita tayo ulit ha? Yung ngiti mo, baka maubos yan. Natatawa niyang sambit habang papaalis.

Hindi ako slow no…masyado ka lang mabilis talaga. Pahabol kong sagot.

Humarap siya at ngumiti ulit.

Elmo. Sinabi ko ang pangalan ko sa kanya. 

Bagay sa iyo ang name mo, Elmo. Emo. 

Ikaw?

Bukas na lang. Para hihintayin mo ako.

At tuluyan na nga siyang tumalikod at umalis.

Naka orange sneakers pala siya. 

Ang ganda talaga ng mga mata ni weirdo. Brown.

-FIN-

Rook

Frank and Elmo were lounging around the campus, occupying one of the empty benches around the university. They were quietly watching fellow students run from one building to another, all in a hurry not to be late for their classes, when one of them suddenly asked…

Don’t you think you’re being too harsh?

Harsh?

Yes. On Julie.

Am not.

You seem a little detached to her, my brother. I haven’t seen the lovesick Elmo following Julie around.

So, that made you think that I’m being hard on her. Elmo shook his head.

It just somehow bothers me. I’m worried. For you…and Julie.

The younger Magalona did not say a word. He just looked at his brother and smiled. It has been two weeks since he last approached Julie and talked to her.

I am not being difficult to her, Frank. I will never be.  

But why give Julie the cold treatment, then?

This thing…this thing that is happening between us is as trivial as a pebble on the pavement. Don’t worry. I’m all good. I am just giving her the space she needs. I am not giving up on her. I will never give up on Julie.  

Is she really that special, Moe?

Yes, Frank. She IS that special.  

Good. The older Magalona commented.

By the way, what are you so worried about?

Oh nothing. Just not used seeing you all this indifferent towards her. But, I’m relieved now that you’ve mentioned that you’re not going to give up on her.

Thank you, Frank. Ang emo ng usapan na ito. Ang overly dramatic mo lang ngayon ah? Hahaha!

Ganyan talaga, Moe. Minsan kailangan talaga ng konting drama sa katawan —- tulad mo — may pagpapamiss ka na ginagawa for Julie. Guess this runs in the family. Hahaha!

I’m glad we had this talk, Frank. Thank you.

Me too.

***

Julie absentmindedly crumpled the piece of paper she was holding. Her other hand gripping her books too tightly, she was in a state of shock. She was standing in the middle of the hallway inside their college building, almost blocking everyone walking there. She was not moving…at all. She was catatonic. 

‘Ms. San Jose, please stay after class.’

‘Is there a problem, Julie? Your grades are slipping.’

‘I’m afraid you failed your last quiz’

The words clearly echoed through Julie’s ears. She was sure she heard those statements right from her professor, but was too dumbfounded to react.  

‘Grades. Slipping. Failed. Quiz.’ She recited to herself.

Julie.

She heard a voice calling out her name. The voice sounded like it came from a very far place, but it was very distinct and clear too. She knew that voice. She tried to search where the voice came from, but she was too weak to move.  

Julie. You are blocking everyone’s way.

That same voice again. Its hands held her like a fragile little child, gradually enveloping her into its arms. Slowly, Julie was moved to the side of the hallway, near the window overlooking the amphitheater.

Julie. Anong nangyari sa iyo? You spaced out in the middle of everybody. A now worried Maqui looking at her best friend. Then, she noticed the crumpled piece of paper that Julie was holding. What’s that, Jules?

Maqui snatched the thing from Julie’s hand. You failed?

Yes. And this is his fault. An outraged Julie pointing her index finger at Elmo’s direction who’s sitting on a bench with his brother, Frank. 

Really? You are good with projection, San Jose ah. Galing lang mansisi? Maqui trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

Kanino ka ba kakampi ha? Ako kaya kaibigan mo. Ako ang bumagsak!

Julie, please stop overreacting. Ang OA na talaga. Kanina para kang tuod dyan na walang kaimik imik tapos ngayon sumasabog nalang bigla bigla? Ano ka? Bulkan? Then, Maqui continued, obviously trying to pacify her friend, Jules, isang quiz lang yan. Hindi pa end of the world. Kaya mo pang bumawi sa next quiz.

Hindi eh. Ginugulo talaga ng Elmo na yan ang buhay ko. Swear. Answering back like a child.

May pag swear talaga? Two weeks ka na ngang walang flowers from him. Walang notes. Walang gifts. FYI lang, two weeks ka na niyang iniiwasan, Julie Anne. Tapos, kasalanan pa rin ni Elmo pogi? Maqui reminded her.

Julie kept quiet. She did not answer her friend for she knew she was really overreacting — looking for someone or something to blame for her shortcomings.

Looks like your wish has been granted. 

Anong ibig mong sabihin, Maq?

Simple lang. Di ba ang gusto mo is lubayan ka ni Elmo pogi kasi sabi mo, making quotation signs in the air with her hands, ‘distraction’ siya? Ayan na. Umiwas na yung tao sa iyo. Pero, mukhang mas affected ka pa ngayon eh? Siguro kasi… Namimiss mo na siya. Namimiss mo na ang mga pagpapacute at kasweetan niya sa iyo. At dun ka na distracted – sa part na hinahanap mo na si Elmo pogi. Maqui stated as a matter-of-factly.

You think so, Maq? A defeated Julie asked without facing her friend. She was looking out the window. Eyeing Elmo with longing eyes. 

I know so, Jules. Ayan na ang ebidensya oh. Two weeks palang yan. Paano na kung mas matagal pa? 

Julie sent her a sharp look, then, smiled.

Hindi mo na  nga talaga mapigilan ang sarili mo, eagle eye Julie, kasi kahit na kasinglaki lang ng langgam yang si Elmo pogi from here, effort ka pa rin sa pagtitig sa kanya. Hahaha! Sana lang hindi sumakit yang beautiful, big, brown eyes mo kakasipat kay pogi. Basta, hinay hinay lang San Jose sa pagtitig at baka matunaw yang si Elmo, wala pang matira sa iyo pagbaba mo ng building na ito. Hahaha!

***

Elmo!

Elmo!

Somebody called his name. Actually, he heard two voices calling his name. He was at his usual place at the canteen when he looked around and saw two figures approaching him from two different directions. He was surprised with the vision – two beautiful girls walking towards him, one of which he considers the most special in his life. 

Hi Elmo, do you…The first girl started.

Hi. He greeted back.

Hi there, Kaitlyn. Sorry, but I really need to tell Elmo something. Cuttingoff the other girl.

Hi Julie. What brought you here? Elmo nervously asked. He’s not used in seeing Julie come to him onher own.

Turning her full attention to Elmo, Hinahanap ka ni Sir Reyes. He wants to see you in his office…now. Emphasizing the word now.

Bakit daw?

I don’t know. Nakasalubong ko lang siya at pinapatawag ka niya. Urgent yata. Julie held on to Elmo’s arms and yanked him away from the other girl.

Elmo did nothing. With their arms locked around each other, he just followed Julie. An apologetic look was the only thing he was able to give Kaitlyn as he walked away.

***

I saw that, San Jose. 

Pinapatawag talaga siya ni Sir Reyes kanina.

Alam ko. Pero, grabe ka naman makayakag kay Elmo pogi. Parang may rally lang. Kabit bisig kung kapit bisig.

Ayan ka na naman, Maqui, ha!

Talaga! Dinaig mo si manong guard sa gate sa pagbabantay, Julie. Di uubra sa iyo ang stick at scanner niya. Sabagay, nagtaka pa ako. Eh ikaw lang ang nag iisang kilala ko na kumacareer sa game na patintero dati eh. Bantay kung bantay. Bakod kung bakod. Hahaha!